i think there are only two kinds of people in this world:
Those who start out with the premise: "We have to live"
And those that start with: "We have to love"

Margazhi

i seem to have lost interest in everything. Yes. existence is a bore. and a pain. There is a loss of meaning. Am tired. No motivation. I feel lonely. God has forsaken me. His silence is deafening. My faith is tenuous. Am disappointed and dejected. There is a terrible inertia. Everything is vague. words feel so hollow. commitments are easily given and hardly kept. i don't care. Am scared ill put my family in danger. my mom esp. Most of my friends live shallow lives as well. i think of dying often. Not suicide, but some kind of a glorious death that would give it all meaning. Abhimanyu and Rang De Basanti style. At times am way too radical, and at other times way too arrogant. So, either way people like to stay away. Am uncompromising in my judgments. defiantly so. All the hypocrisy and inequality i see freeze me. i feel too stuck to do anything. sometimes i punch concrete walls in the middle of the night unable to sleep. it doesn't hurt. Her betrayal should have been the last nail. But its amazing i've come out battling. with a lot of help ofcourse.

A faint winter light shines through. There is more than a flicker of hope now :)

Last week, one cousin died struggling to make 800 rupees a month and keep his family fed. Even as another honey-mooned in singapore. i paid three times as much in telephone bills.

THE THREE ANTS

Three ants met on the nose of a man who was lying asleep in the sun. And after they had saluted one another, each according to the custom of his tribe, they stood there conversing.
The first and said, "These hills and plains are the most barren I have known. I have searched all day for a grain of some sort, and there is none to be found."
Said the second ant, "I too have found nothing, though I have visited every nook and glade. This is, I believe, what my people call the soft, moving land where nothing grows."
Then the third ant raised his head and said, "My friends, we are standing now on the nose of the Supreme Ant, the mighty and infinate Ant, whose body is so great that we cannot see it, whose shadow is so vast that we cannot trace it, whose voice is so loud that we cannot hear it; and He is omnipresent."
When the third ant spoke thus the other ants looked at each other and laughed.
At that moment the man moved and in his sleep raised his hand and scratched his nose, and the three ants were crushed.

- Khalil Gibran in the Madman

The Passion of Christ. (as i understand it)

Angry Mob: "Who are you sorcerer!? What evil chicanery do you play on us!?"

Him: "I am the Son of Man. And the King of Kings. I am the chosen one - your Messiah.

Now, are you going to be foolish and crucify me for speaking so, or are you going to listen to your heart and wake up to the truth?"

(Probably one of the boldest pitches ever made. The death of one brought alive a countless many. What a man!)

We need to awaken to our place in this sea of life.

i am what i do, not what i say.

great philosophies need great people to live them out.

Local is the way to go.

Silence just as important as action.

go slow.

we are living through a profound crisis of meaning today.

cynicism and dejection rent the air. as do apathy and ennui.

a new vision is required. And we are the ones to dream it.

The Heart is a very powerful thing. Its not just a pump :)

we need each other.