Thus ends 12 beautiful and challenging years in the forest. Will the 13th be different? :) 

A Hero is one who has meaningfully answered the questions Who am I? Where am I? and Why am I here? for oneself. 

"The softest pillow in the world is a clear conscience." 

All of creation is merely a projection onto the screen of Consciousness. 

Utter simplicity and nuanced complexity are two sides of the same coin. But we are a nation of simplistic people. Those we choose to canonize are flawless saints, and those we disown deserve no mercy and are to be condemned to the gallows. 

Have a 12 hour flight tonight. i am bit worried about it. 

"Once again we are strangers, but this time with memories."

Goodbye Chennai! It's been a beautiful eleven years. i hope our paths cross again :)

Scratch the surface, and the human drama is pretty much the same in all of us. Various characters of shadow and light jostling for space.

The real Ramayana and Mahabaratha are inward.

The writing on the wall, you don't see. 

2015 has begun beautifully. Looking forward to seeing how it unfolds :)

It has been a beautiful year. Thank you :)

The Game is very simple. Either the mask owns you, or You own the mask.

If there is one thing you would give your life up for, what would that be?

To be human, is to genuinely enquire. 

And then Arjuna realised:

There is nowhere to run,
Nowhere to hide,
There is no choice,
But to stand and fight.

You can run, but can you hide.

Unless there is a tremendous dissatisfaction, how are you going to discover what is True?

He got up in the middle of the night, and looked into the mirror for a long time.

The whole thing is an Upward Spiral. 

The Orphan has to stand Alone. 

She looked straight into his eyes, and touched his soul. 

18 years and counting. Thank you. 

This is just the end of the beginning.

There is a long way to go. 

Ashoka not Abhimanyu.

We are here to see each other happy.
We are here to enjoy each other's joy.

"Are you searching for a home, or are you searching for a direction?", He asked.

Fear is the only tyranny.

There is an unknowing at the core of our being, out of which deep compassion arises.

Nothing like standing on the balcony and watching the ocean endlessly roar..

The last week has been a sublime gift. Perhaps no better way to have stepped into the 30's. Made a small presentation on 'Activism and Integral Psychology' today. Seems to have been well received. i pack bags again tomorrow. The road looks open and wide. Looking forward to what lies ahead :)

And then there are times when you are grateful for all the pain you've gone through. For it has cracked the heart open.

Its amazing how life kicks you in the gut, and then slowly gives all the tools needed to heal and learn from the experience.  

The purpose of life is very simple - to be Present each moment. 

i have been reading Ken Wilber of late, and learning a lot from his insights. Not sure if i agree with him fully, but i have unnecessarily resisted him all these years..  

This is what coming home means to me, to hold your hands, sit back, and listen to the waves. 

When i was 15 or 16, i read Eric Segal's 'Love Story'. It was a Reader's Digest condensed edition, and the first novel i had read in life. It was so captivating that by the end of the book i had totally fallen in love with Jennifer Cavalleri. She was everything i wasn't - chirpy, happy, witty, soft, and i was awe-inspired. Her poignant death at the end further touched me. i carried her with me for a long time even consciously modeling my personality around hers, and projecting that standard onto many other women i met later on in life. Needless to say it was quite an unhelpful exercise.

In the subsequent years i had read the book many times over, the sequel as well and perhaps all of Segal's works. But i had not seen the movie. Wasn't sure if it will do justice to the book, and why spoil a beautiful memory if one can help it :) Last week i was cleaning the hard disk and found the movie again. Not so attached anymore, i got curious and watched it. Must say it was an interesting experience.

Anyway the point of this post, a couple of times at important points Jenny tells Oliver, "Love means never having to say you're sorry". In some sense it can be said it is the most important line of the book. In all these years it didn't make much sense to me.

Today it did.

i was touched. and so i write.

The Earth embraces me, Life loves me, the Wind holds me, the Sun kisses me, Breath animates me. What more do i need?

May all be well. May all be happy.

This time in silence with you, is so beautiful. I don't know if your heart is as moved as mine. I just want to say Thank you. 

(Sometime in November)

I am down to one string now Master. I can't play this without your help. I never could, but this is impossible.

(Sometime in December)

Thank you :) 

Choose Life. Is there another option?

Truth is not a statement or a theory. It is a state of Being. 

It's taken me 22 years to realize its not the women i was falling in love with. 

Presence is to let Essence shine through.

Truth can have no enemies :-)

may it never get to my head,
may the heart always be pure,
may i always stay at your feet.

Jesus Christ goes to Wall Street

"I was a stranger in Jerusalem. I had come to the Holy City to behold the great temple, and to sacrifice upon the altar, for my wife had given twin sons to my tribe.

And after I had made my offering, I stood in the portico of them temple looking down upon the money-changers and those who sold doves for sacrifice, and listening to the great noise in the court.

And as I stood there came of a sudden a man into the midst of the money-changers and those who sold doves.

He was a man of majesty, and He came swiftly.

In His hand He held a rope of goat’s hide; and He began to overturn the tables of the money-changers and to beat the pedlars of birds with the rope.

And I heard Him saying with a loud voice, “Render these birds unto the sky which is their nest.”

Men and women fled from before His face, and He moved amongst them as the whirling wind moves on the sand-hills.

All this came to pass in but a moment, and then the court of the Temple was emptied of the money-changers. Only the man stood there alone, and His followers stood at a distance.

Then I turned my face and I saw another man in the portico of the temple. And I walked towards him and said, “Sir, who is this man who stands alone, even like another temple?” And he answered me, “This is Jesus of Nazareth, a prophet who has appeared of late in Galilee. Here in Jerusalem all men hate Him.”

And I said, “My heart was strong enough to be with His whip, and yielding enough to be at His feet.”

And Jesus turned towards His followers who were awaiting Him. But before He reached them, three of the temple doves flew back, and one alighted upon His left shoulder and the other two at His feet. And he touched each one tenderly. Then He walked on, and there were leagues in every step of His steps.

Now tell me, what power had He to attack and disperse hundreds of men and women without opposition? I was told that they all hate Him, yet no one stood before Him on that day. Had He plucked out the fangs of hate on His way to the court of the temple?"

- From Jesus the Son of Man, Khalil Gibran

To drink from this fountain called India,.. and to live in the eternal fragrance of this soil,.. i don't think i'll trade this ever for anything else.

give up, give up, give up. Give up all effort :)

--

Don't try to create a movement. Just sit down, find peace and bear witness. Who knows, a movement might form around you on its own. Best wishes.

Beware of Truth. It could easily get you killed.

Happy Birthday Maanu! :-))

Where even wisdom ends..

Most of us are just addicted to words..

(in response to a friend on Facebook.)

From what little one knows, i find Gandhiji's consciousness one of the most difficult to 'understand' (meaning 'analyse') if such a thing were even possible. Many times he sounds deeply mystical & insightful and pulls off the most unbelievable of mastery's that lesser mortals can't even dream of. And some times he does things that seem banal and even shock the observers. Should we deify him or vilify him on the basis of any of these extremes? To me he is an enigma, that defies slotting into any one convenient category of saint or sinner. Am thankful that it is that way, for then he becomes a mirror. How i 'see' him, says more about me, than himself. And in that dialogue with him an enormous potential is unleashed. So i've stopped trying to 'understand' Gandhi. To me he is a living companion, a dear friend and teacher one is deeply blessed to have, but cannot completely accept. For all we know, this might have been his greatest achievement.

Also to live life as a constant 'experiment' with Truth, might be the ultimate mastery of all.

She sent me this last night, and i had a lump in my throat reading it. Her love endlessly humbles me and i do not know what i did to deserve it. She is an absolute Godess and brings in the most sublime beauty into our lives. Thank you Kannama :)

I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as one loves certain obscure things,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries
the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,
and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose
from the earth lives dimly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you directly without problems or pride:
I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,
except in this form in which I am not nor are you,
so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes close with my dreams.

- Pablo Neruda, One Hundred Love Sonnets, 17

Where Awareness is, the label isn't.

:-)

This reminded me of many years ago, when an angry young man looked into her innocent eyes.. and knew what love was. Their lives would never be the same again.

Out of Silence arises the Universe, and into Silence it disappears.

Today i saw P.Sainath in Nero's Guests and realised the importance of anger. i realise i haven't been angry enough, esp at all the bullshit that goes on in the name of 'peace'.

Today 16 years of struggle and search, culminated in 16 simple pages by Swami Vivekananda. The real journey begins now.

"Come with Me, I'll make you a fisher of men."

Modern Civilization is a fortress. We are here to punch holes through it, one aha! moment at a time.

“Whoever points to Him is an aspirant-Sufi whereas whoever points on His behalf is a Sufi.” - Mansur Al-Hallaj

Engaged Spirituality

First be touched by Life. By its immense and intense Beauty. The responsibility you take from this space has an exquisite loveliness to it. Not anger. It is out of Joy that you shall work. Towards Joy.

I have always been, and I will always be.

To be a poet, you have to often run out of words :)

Happy Birthday Laks! :)

My life is a riot of colours right now. Thank you all for making it so.

Happy New Year! நாளை தை பிறக்கும் :)

The only way to find Immortality, is to be in the Present.

The Middle Path



The Buddha talked about the Middle Path. I interpret that as not being lost in the austere silence of emptiness or the wild dance of form. It is to be both, at the same time. The Ardhanarishwara. The Enlightened Householder. The Lotus in the mud pool. Being in the world, but not of the world. If so, then i wonder why there are so many Buddhist monks and nuns. So many 'renunciates'. What are they renouncing?

"From this point on in our lives, we will either find or lose our souls."

Its been two years now. i have found mine. Hope you have too.

Thanks :)

The Mahatma and The Poet



In more than the 25 years they had known each other, Gandhi and Tagore exchanged nearly a 100 letters between them. Their contents wide ranging from matters relating to an evolving National Struggle, to affectionate, warm personal enquiries and sharings by two friends. And it was not that they always agreed. Between them were probably some of the most important and soaring debates of Modern India. Yet its amazing to see how they've kept their humanity and deep reverential friendship alive through all the rumble-tumble intensity of those times.

This was the last correspondence between them, sent over telegram. It brought tears to my eyes.

(Gandhi's greetings on Tagore's 81st birthday - 13 April 1941)

To: Gurudev Shantiniketan

Four score not enough may you finish five
Love

Gandhi

(The Poet's reply)

To: Mahatma Wardha
Thanks message but four score is impertinence, five score intolerable

Rabindranath

And there was this man who couldn't stop laughing. For no apparent reason. For life was so beautiful, he was eternally tickled :-)

Very few are sanctified in isolation. Very few become perfect in absolute solitude.

Living with other people and learning to lose ourselves in the understanding of their weakness and deficiencies can help us to become true contemplatives. For there is no better means of getting rid of the rigidity and harshness and coarseness of our ingrained egoism, which is the one insuperable obstacle to the infused light and action of the Spirit of God.

Even the courageous acceptance of interior trials in utter solitude cannot altogether compensate for the work of purification accomplished in us by patience and humility in loving others and sympathizing with their most unreasonable needs and demands.

There is always a danger that hermits will only dry up and solidify in their own eccentricity. Living out of touch with other people they tend to lose that deep sense of spiritual realities, which only pure love can give.

Do you think the way to sanctity is to lock yourself up with prayers and your books and the meditations that please and interest your mind, to protect yourself with many walls, against people you consider stupid? Do you think the way to contemplation is found in the refusal of activities and works which are necessary for the good of others but which happen to bore and distract you? Do you imagine that you will discover God by winding yourself up in a cocoon of spiritual and aesthetic pleasures, instead of renouncing all your tastes and desires and ambitions and satisfactions for the love of Christ, Who will not even live within you if you cannot find Him in other people?

Far from being essentially opposed to each other, interior contemplation and external activity are two aspects of the same love of God.

- Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation

Inquilab Zindabad



"I differ from you as the South pole differs from the North pole, but if I had a dozen dedicated youths like you with me, I could have changed the history of India long ago."

- Mahatma Gandhi to the imprisoned revolutionists of the Chittagong Rebellion

"Revolution is the inalienable right of mankind... To the altar of the revolution, we have brought our youth as incense, for no sacrifice is too great for so magnificent a cause. We are content... long live revolution."

- Bhagat Singh and Batukeshwar Dutt's statement at their trial.

Bird over Water



Why are we so scared of death? Are we ready to die at a moment's notice? happily and joyfully. And peacefully.

The mind that is preoccupied with the gratifications of pain and pleasure, becomes extraordinarily dull. It is scared of death and seeks to propagate itself forever. This is the root of Fear. And the cause of all suffering. The dull mind that will not let go. Or cease to register.

But to appreciate Beauty and Life, you need a mind that is extraordinarily alive. infinitely supple and simple. One that is intensely observant and yet completely detached. Its a state of quiet simplicity and elegant silence. It is love itself.

This one's for you. Thanks :)

He wanted to know himself, so he started reading a book. Since that didn't help he went and bought another 500, and read 200 of them. he still buys books.

Can child abuse cause schizophrenia? a question i have been grappling with for so long now.. and not just schizophrenia, but other personality disorders as well. borderline, bi-polar etc. Things have been esp difficult since main stream psychiatry seems to be pretty hollow in its understanding of most things psychological/spiritual.

Voice from the Dark.



Very vast indeed, was the forest. Huge trees stood in endless rows. They entwined each other warmly, and danced with joyous waves in the air. Such was the thickness of the forest that even the blinding light of hot summer days was not visible on the ground. No human dared tread on these grounds.

It was midnight. On all sides darkness enveloped the forest. And the darkness within was like the darkness in the womb of the earth. The birds and other creatures were all in deep sleep. A heavy silence compounded the blackness of this forest. On such a night in the midst of the forest, a human voice broke the silence by saying, ‘Shall I ever attain my hearts desire?’

When silence returned, no one could ever believe that he had heard a human voice in such a forest! And yet, after a little while, the same voice cried out again, ‘Shall I ever attain my hearts desire?’

A third time the silence was thus disturbed when another voice inquired: ‘What can you sacrifice to win your heart’s desire?”

‘My life itself!’ was the reply.

‘Life is so insignificant that it is the simplest thing for anyone to sacrifice!’

‘What more have I? What else can I offer?’

‘Devotion! My friend, devotion!’ declared the voice from above.


(- Thus opens the most explosive piece of literature in British India.)

The Great Debate



Truth is One. The essence of Zen and the essence of Advaita are the same. Atleast as far as i can see it. The Buddhists and the Hindus are debating this for 2500 years now. Over which is 'greater'. Many times resulting in violent purges and counter-purges all over South East Asia. But there is no difference at all. The essence of both is the same.

i first came across this debate at the Abhishiktananda Centenary Conference, when Fr. AMA Swamy made some provocative statements on the superiority of Zen. It was a lil surprising to hear these coming from the 'only ordained Zen master in the Country'. We don't know what his real intentions were in making them, but i have come across this divide often since, and wondered why?

And its not that i have only seen these two sides clash. Recently some Buddhist Monks had to be put up in Chennai , en route their pilgrimage to Sri Lanka. Since the number was slightly large, we had requested the Samvit Sagar Ashram in Utthandi if they'd be able to host them. They readily agreed, and apparently when Swami Suddhananda heard that these were monks, directed his ashramites not to charge any money for the stay. The Buddhists for their part, touched by the hospitality, insisted on paying more than required as a donation towards the Ashram proceedings. Even though the stay was only for a night, it was clear both sides were touched by the contact. The next morning i got a call from the Ashram, thanking for the link-up. And the Buddhist friends left behind some thoughtful gifts in appreciation.

I AM. And even the I AM dissolves into a Silence.

"Friday, May 1, 1908…I did not know that that day would mean an end of a chapter of my life, and that there stretched before me a year's imprisonment during which period all my human relations would cease, that for a whole year I would have to live beyond the pale of society, like an animal in a cage. And when I would re-enter the world of activity it would not be the old familiar Aurobindo Ghose…I have spoken of a year's imprisonment. It would have been more appropriate to speak of a year's living…in an ashram or a hermitage…the only result of the wrath of the British Government was that I found God."

In a way the true scientist is also a mystic. And the mystic a scientist. For they are both driven by curiosity, wonder, and most importantly; humility. The separation between Science and Religion is artificial. Propagated by people who understand neither Science nor Religion.

--

And my dear friend says form will understand the formless. The limited will grasp the unlimited. Man will decipher God. He says, 'Wait and See. Time will tell.' We tell him, even time is limited. Another form. The drop cannot fathom the Ocean.

Gandhiji: An Eternal Quest For The Truth.



Gandhiji’s life and thought are of enormous value and importance in today’s times, filled with violence in all walks of life and rampant unhappiness deep in the heart of man. We as a Civilization are cut off from Soil, Soul and Society and the effects of this separation are destroying the very fabric of human life on this planet. Environmental destruction, Growing divide between the rich and the poor, The rise of state and terrorist violence, The ever present danger of Nuclear war, Disintegrating communities, and Growing psychological alienation etc all stand testimony to this unraveling.

Gandhiji through his amazing prescience foresaw much of this Civilizational crisis long before others, and dedicated his life to the quest and practice of a value system that embraced Truth and Harmony. Peace and Love. He did not just speak, but also embodied the highest standards of living his Truth, in all walks of life. He might not have always been successful, but was very earnest nevertheless. It is this sincerity that inspired countless many and a simplicity that endeared him to the masses. He was also pioneer in showing that Spiritual Transformation and Social Regeneration were two sides of the same coin and went hand in hand together.

We have much to learn from Gandhiji’s quest and life (‘experiments’ as he called them) in our own search for a peaceful and sustainable society. It would do us well to take him very seriously.


(Part of my Application to the Winter School on Gandhi.)

God is just a word, for those who do not know the silence and its vibrance. They squabble over its usage or flaunt it around as if the word was everything. They agree or disagree about it, and make it a matter of belief. Discussion and debate. But God is beyond this all. We cannot reach it with our theories. We can only know its presence in our hearts. And everywhere else. Beyond this our minds are too small to decipher God. Neither should we try to, in my opinion. It reeks of arrogance.

To be in dhyana means to be one with God. Its not about closing eyes or opening eyes, watching breath or any special position of sitting. Though, the cross legged sitting with a straight back and eyes closed seems to work wonders for me. It would be a tragedy, if dhyana became just this one posture or ritual or even a formula. Eventually all living should become dhyana. And no existence outside of God.

If you knew you only had a few more minutes to live, would you still spend it worrying and accumulating for the future?

--

You will die one day. Why not just die Now? Psychologically.

--

In our complacency, we take life for granted. We do not live it as a game full of surprises and awe and wonder. The fear driven craving for security truly kills the spirit with which it needs to be lived. In the present moment, with no fear at all. And eyes wide open.

The real Guru of guru's is right in your heart.

--

Let no man stand in judgment of the state of grace of another.
That's entirely God's territory.

--

When it is pure Consciousness, how is it 'your' Consciousness and 'my' Consciousness? Where from do these boundaries come?

--

Its the ignorant, that squabble over words and concepts. The wise know the certitude beyond debate.

--

I am not Naveen

Just listen to how you listen. That itself is the beginning of Compassion.

Love, Sex aur Dhoka

Go into the heart of Sex, and you would have also gone into the heart of existence. Sex, the impulse, is the longing of the Created to merge with the Creator. Of the Limited with the Unlimited. Of Man with God. There is nothing dirty about it. Only holy. But when we fully live in the heart of this impulse, without resisting it, or condemning it, or running away from it or even trying to act it out, there is an enormous sense of freedom. We could be in it, deeply enjoy it, and yet be completely untouched by it. Or stay out of it, and still be sublime about it. Sex is not a problem then. Neither is it sought, nor is it rejected. There is no compulsion to act the impulse out, there is an enormous freedom. The urge does not urge anymore. Its effortless to step back. And such a stepping back is not repression. It leaves no traces. This is real celibacy. Not the obsession with discharge. Real celibacy doesn't need 'experiments' to prove itself its chastity. And perhaps real celibacy has nothing to do with sex at all. It is entirely concerned with the sincerity of the heart. The commitment to Truth, and devotion to the Divine. Now why yoke this to sex? What does the act got to do with Love? Some call it Making love, and the deniers call it Killing love. But what has Love got to do with this or any act? Can there be no other motivation for Sex? Other than the seeking of pleasure? The 'animalistic drive' we are all exhorted to rise above. Does it always have to be mindless. An Instinct.

Could it never be holy at all?

Sex on its own, is not a problem. Its we who make it so. By craving for it. Dreaming about it. Seeking it, glorifying it, making rules against it, repressing it, labeling it, being afraid of it etc. Its probably one of the most abused parts of humanity right now. Some cultures are very 'open' about it, robbing it of its sanctity in the process. And some cultures quite prudish, only for the hypocrisy to erupt behind closed doors and dark corners.

Why not just let it be?

Organized religion has come in and killed it. Made a huge something out of nothing. Put it on a pedestal, and passed all kinds of morality on it - much like the Forbidden Fruit. And now we live in a psychological structure thats alternately tingled by temptation, and wretched in guilt. Where Religion stopped, Media has taken over, forever dangling it in front of us. Endless titillation, zero satisfaction.

A new relationship with Sex would have to be evolved, if we are to transform all the violence around us. But such a relationship cannot be 'experiments' or casualness. These are serious matters, and only unrelenting honesty would bail us out. But do we have it in us, to get down to the bottom of this, and not merely take other people's answers for truth?


(Ps: and oh, as for the 'Sex' in the title, i totally used it to sell this piece. to attract eyeballs)

The Miracle

One pointed attention, breath control, all these sound like games. Why not have an all-pointed attention instead of one-pointed. Why not let the breath control us, instead of us trying to control it. Or rein it in. Why not let go and let be. All is God. Every bit and every nook. So why bother 'one-pointing' it. Instead how about waking up to the Omnipresence. The Omniscient. Now how's that for Meditation? A vision that sees God everywhere. Lips that sing praise all the time. And a heart that only knows gratefulness. Meditation is not effort. Its the deliverance from effort. And the contortions & stress it brings about. Meditation is not sitting cross legged and putting on piety. Trying to be something, do something. It is the letting go of ourselves, and all formulas we've been handed down, to 'find' God. Even the formula of no-formula is a formula. The method of No-method is still a method. So its unnecessary to get entangled in semantics and nitty gritties. Its a really simple thing actually - Are we seeing God in everything? Is all of creation smelling fragrantly of the divine. Shivering in the vibrance of the All Powerful. Is God the only reality? If yes, you have arrived. Method or No-method. Meditation or No-meditation. If not, you are caught in your own whims and fancies.

If you do not know Life to be the wondrous, all consuming miracle that it is, then you are not living at all. You are then a zombie.

All is God.

Sensing is Flowing. Flowing is Sensing.

The rustle of leaves/Anahata Nada.



When the mind has died to itself , died to its own clamour and noise, fallen silent. That state is devotion. There is no separation between Man and God then. Its a state of an alive intelligence. A simple awakening. A silent flowering. A blessing. A warmth. A smile. And its beyond all this too. That can't be fathomed. That can be known, but not deciphered. enjoyed but not analysed. In this extraordinary simplicity and primal innocence lies the redemption of woman. In the rustle of leaves in the night wind. In the rain in the air and even the distant noise of a TV somewhere. Beauty holds them all. And Beauty alone is supreme.

The wind is strong. The storm though abated, hasn't completely left. There is more rain in the air. The night wears on.

An Endless Inspiration.

This one's for Sangi, and the amazing love she fills our lives with. What a blessing she is. Thanks! :)

i am no traveler.



I am no traveler, and I want no co-travelers. Don't make spirituality into a conceptual journey. Its the end of all journeys. All labels, concepts and self created images. The identity of a traveler, or a pilgrim, or a seeker is not any nobler than all other identities. Why give ourselves these labels, pin these badges and wear special robes. Isn't truth a matter of shedding robes, than wearing coloured clothes, shaving my head or growing my hair. What nonsense. And of what use is it. Endlessly separating man from man. And ourselves from life. Finding new ingenious ways to insulate ourselves from the ocean of life. What a screaming illusion. What a lot of struggle and effort carrying our falsehood's around, parading it without any dignity or love. Why? Fear? What are you so afraid of? Is love that scary? That it will eat you up. Vanish you completely. Break your dreams, and destroy all that you've built up meticulously all these years. Brick by brick. For thousands of years. What a mess. You are so invested in it, that you don't see a life out of it. Its impossible to imagine a life outside of your box. Not that imagination is of much use anyway. We need to see it. Calmly and directly. With absolute clarity. This whole falsehood that the society has been based on. And how we have pledged our freedoms to this lie, coz we don't have the fire in our bellies, courage to stand with our spines straight. Or love in our hearts to see why its important to shout out from the roof tops. To set ourselves unconditionally free. Decisively and clearly. And not year after year say the same inane pledges - i shall be a better person this year than last. What use? When you live in truth, can you ever 'improve'? Can your sadhana get better. Make 'progress' as a pilgrim - Where from do these ideas come. These comparisons.

Die to yourself, and wake up to life. Clean out your mess. Now! Not tomorrow or day-after. Find the compassion in your heart. And the courage in your being. Its now or never. And Be a howling challenge to all that is false and messy. Be dangerous. Absolutely dangerous. With love. Not hate.

would you reject the message, coz the messenger is a hypocrite?

Surrender



Surrender is the ceasing of effort. The ending of time. The birth of beauty. The cleansing of memory. the freshness of life. The letting go of arrogance. The awakening of love. The spontaneous breaking into a smile. Devotion as a state of being. the flowering of humility, the loss of oneself, finding of another, The end of thought, Outpouring of creativity, Silent harmony, space, sound, word, all, none, this, it, me, you, the moon, this flashlight, the lighthouse, Sea, storm, rocks, this ramble, everything.

Surrender is God. And Surrender is you :-)

It is sacred, all pervading and free flowing. It cannot be understood or agreed or disagreed with. It is felt. deeply known. or not at all. There can be no debate about it. For its the very ground of existence.

Peace :-)

Zen



Is Zen all about training the mind? Concentration. To narrow all of its spectacular range to one point in time and space. Or is it the awakening of the Unlimited? Has Zen got to do anything with the mind at all? What has Truth got to do with the false. Does taming it - mind control as its called, lead one onto the Real. Can Zen be a path? Or can there be pathways to Zen. Its only a mind that has receded into itself voluntarily and joyfully, that can know Zen. Not the one controlled into submission. Its not conquering of the mind through external discipline. imposing rigidity onto its free flow. But a silent flowering of its inward delight. Its not the conquer of the mind, but the freedom of the mind. Allowing it to just be. Not constantly provoke it. It is explosively creative, and makes its own boundaries as it surges on. It will not stop or be stopped but of its own accord. There can be no obstacles to the will of God. Even if seeming challenges arise the river will find its way around them. But it will not be stopped.

One saw a documentary on Zen just now. And it was said its the bedrock of the Japanese culture. If so, then one wonders why the Japanese society has also become the epitome of Automation and Mechanization. Modularization and ruthless Efficiency. Do they really understand Zen, or has it been narrowed down to mind control. What a humongous distortion. A society steeped in Zen cannot partake of the modern day violence. Leave alone leading its rat-race. It will be a radically new society, based on a completely new set of values, in the affirmation of life rather than in opposition to it. And i dare say, a Society as such does not yet exist. When its time comes, if it does, nothing will stop it from embracing the earth with its Love and Care.

May such a day be blessed.

It might have been an act of sabotage, and you could have been told lies. If so, am sorry for what you've had to go through. If there are still any lingering questions in your mind, feel free to write back for closure. Thanks.

A request.

1) we think we are separate, when we are not.

2) our lives are in a mess because of that.

3) we are caught in a haze of perceptual falsehood. Its all a blur and we are lost.

4) when the mist clears, we realize its all one. with that seeing comes peace. And the humility to listen to the inner voice and obey.

5) unless we find this peace and listen to this voice, human affairs will continue to be in a mess. And it will only get worse.

6) how do we find this peace? There is no formula. Just be Sincere. Sincerity of the heart. Not the mind. (and remember Sincerity as a strategy or a means to an end is no sincerity at all.)

7) Will Mankind make it? i don't know. maybe not. but who is to say? Its best we concentrate on that we are in control of. And leave the rest to God.

8) Is God an old man sitting up there or a woman with 5 hands? .....

9) Who are you? .....

We invite you to go into yourself and find out who you are. And all else. Life would be grateful for that effort of yours. Its a crying shame, that we are squandering away this wonderful opportunity called the Human form. An opportunity to experience life in many wonderful and unique ways. Please wake up. There is nothing more important you can do.

I am glad you could explode and burst forth. I am sorry for having been so arrogant.

'Human-knowings NOT beings'

Live in the Mystery.
live in the not-knowing.
hold the question.
Be comfortable in this silence.
And act out of there. Live out of there.

Don't "know" this. Live this.

Mouna Ragam



All this is interpretation. Everything that is said. Even to say that it’s a story, a game, an illusion, dream etc. What do we know about this silence. We do not have the capacity to interpret it, or understand it. It’s better to just surrender to it. And rather not make tall claims about what it is. No Guru truly ever knows, and neither does no wannabe. Including this one. They are all charlatans, looking for crutches to lean on. To fill one’s fear and emptiness with whatever one can find. So its best to stay away from such ignorance. The relationship with God is direct. There is no role for middlemen in there. The real Guru is one who teaches without teaching. Points without pointing, and certainly takes no credit for it. Leave alone flood the streets with vinyl banners.

There is nothing to be taught, than what is already known. Nowhere to go, but here. No past nor future. Just Silence. And all else that arises from that Silence. May all beings and non-beings find its peace, and come home to their true nature.

Vedham Anuvilum oru Naadham. Nay not just Naadham; Raagam. All of Sangeetham. Brahmandam. And beyond.

this is a cartoon game!!

Jashn-e-Bahara

Sometime somebody told me how the two banks never meet, and in their not meeting keep the river going. In their separation, the music keeps flowing. Maybe i get it now :)

The philosopher goes up to the temple walls, looks through the doors and writes books in reverence. The poet walks through the door, into the courtyard and sings verse out of joy.
And the mystic sits in the sanctum-sanctorum, and falls silent.

Moses and The Promised Land.



There are at least four responsibilities of a Shaman, in my opinion. Call them Life Callings if you will:

--> To live on the edge.
--> Invite others to live on the edge.
--> Make it possible for them to live on the edge.
--> Commune on the edge.

What is the edge? - The edge is Solitude. The edge is Now. The edge is Life. God. Love. Its what makes us come alive. It is wild. and silent. It is fear, the quiet rush of blood and little trepidations before jumping off a cliff and learning to fly. It is also contentment, of listening to your heart. Doing what you are meant to be doing. Living your calling. This is the edge my friend, and its always new. Never certain. But there is nothing you'd want more. Trading it for some silly security doesn't work and you know it. Welcome, we are hoping you can break on through to the other side. Surely and certainly. Firmly and confidently. Courageously and joyfully. Sure, it wont be easy. There will be challenges of no ordinary magnitude. But no rite of passage is child's play. No bird learning to fly had it easy. It will hurt. But the hurt will also heal. And in the meantime the Hero (and the Goddess) would have arrived. And life won't be the same anymore. The magic will come alive. Also the reverence. Oh yes, the smile too! And the cunning that knows no cunning, the courage that can rise over fear, and the strength that is compassion. The silence that is communion, and the humility that is love.

See you on the other side. Cowardice is suicide.

AS THE CRICKETS' SOFT AUTUMN HUM
IS TO US
SO ARE WE TO THE TREES
AS ARE THEY
TO THE ROCKS AND THE HILLS.

- Gary Snyder

Poongatru



Want nothing from me. As long as you want something, i won't be able to provide it. Be on your own. As your own person. Stand on your feet. There is nothing that you already don't have, that i can give. You are complete as you are. Whole and awesome. So live in that joy and celebrate that wholeness. Then a time might come, when all wanting will wither away. There will be no future to get to. No destination to attain. When the present is peaceful and perfect just as it is, perhaps then we are ready to bond. In every possible way. For until then we won't have truly known love. Only those that know to wait know its glory. Not the wait of longing, but waiting as celebration. Not waiting as some proof or test, but joy and respect. To sublimate one's desires in the service of the other - in genuine service of truth is the greatest gift of love. And sublimation is not suppression or sacrifice. It's the offering away in purity. Like the sweet-smelling transformation of the incense stick. By the end, nothing remains of it. Yet the fragrance lingers on and its essence pervades every corner. The more we live in love, the more our fragrances merge in that gentle breeze that carries us all.

Its been a deep honour to have met you. Thanks :)

To Come or to Not Come.



Goal-oriented Intimacy (also known as Sex) is probably similar to Goal-oriented Spirituality. The mind is pre-occupied with the summit, and in the end all that remains is anxiety and empty disappointment. Maybe even a whole lot of sticky mess. With both, its important to learn to relax, breathe deep, be with the senses, play and savour each moment. The temptation to close eyes and race ahead with thoughts and fantasies is great. But it is important to stay in the moment and sink deeply into all that it has to offer. The warm moist depths and playful sandy beaches. Soft throbs of the heart and gentle dance of the fingers. Subtle tastes of the skin and profuse kisses everywhere.

Release is not the orgasm. Awakening is. For that one doesn't need to get anywhere or blow anything off. Just Be Here, Now. and Come Alive.

Cowards and Scavengers.



Is God a sensation? An experience? Bliss, calm, rapture and so on. Is attaining these states Meditation? And then there are these so-called tools to help us get there. Techniques, teachings, retreats, gurus, books, incense sticks what not? But can God be found in the clamour of the senses, the intellect. Or is it entirely beyond the reach of all these. So much mischief has happened in the name of God and Enlightenment. So many charlatans, so many games, so much ignorance, so much misery and strife. Unless man takes on the responsibility to awaken and arrive at it for himself, realization is never possible. Another can't do it for one. It can't be transmitted. It is always fresh and has to be come to - alone as oneself. Pure and awake. Not as from any creed, dogma or sect. It's easy to lean on another. Laziness is pleasurable. But it is a second-hand existence. Spineless and cowardly. Completely lacking in self-respect and dignity. Woe unto the one with no courage. For he knows no love.

The ocean, as at this time of the day, was getting louder. Crows circling around in a distance glistening in the setting sun. There was a certain playfulness about them that we seem to have lost. The rising and falling and playfully chasing each other. How distant it has become to our nature. The waste-paper seller cycled along, hoping to make a living out of others' wastes. Even as the squirrel looked on and the shadows lengthened. Is the Guru any different?


Ps: Watch out, even the anti-Guru is a new Guru.

happy birthday! :)

if fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom,
then the end of wisdom is the love of the lord.

Mantra



Words can't capture it, but words are it. Sacred and Profound. So always watch what you speak. For word is breath. And word is God. Those that deny the word don't know what they are talking about. And those that approach it without respect are certainly lost. Word has great power. Always use it only in service of Truth. No vain talk or loose chatter. hurtful gossip and hateful poison. Or self-deprecation and other such prejudice.

If silence is shiva, then word is shakti. May every sound uttered, arise from the depthless silence of their union.

Neti-Neti



Could truth ever be captured by words, theories and dogmas? Could God be described. Can the mind understand its own death.

All interpretations are limited. So is every religious scripture or teaching ever given. Everything that is uttered can be negated. Every here has a there within it. Every now, a then. And in every I a Thou. The world of form is full of opposites. Thats its nature, and we get lost in its maya. But when we root ourselves in the formless, all of it becomes the lila. resplendent dance of Shiva or the divine play of Krishna.

the not this-not this then becomes all this!-all this!

The third kind of action.



Is there a third kind of action that is neither repression nor release? That is not conditioned by either want or dislike. An action that is not of the self, using another in thought or deed for its own fulfillment . If so, we must investigate what it is. For thats the kind of action that is needed today if there is to be a transformation in this society. A movement that is consumed by Truth, and Truth alone. An act that is not bothered with its own petty little self and its pleasures and insecurities. A preoccupied mind is entirely useless and breeds a lot of misery. It is dead and incapable of providing the creative expanse that is needed for a fundamental transformation. For that to happen something else is required. A quality of awareness that doesn't exclude. And knows no belief. That is not bothered with the petty and its silly lil theories. That breeds not conflict. An awareness that doesn't seek, but is. That which is silent and embracing. The space beyond the impulse. The eternal eye that is always awake. An awareness that is itself joy and the immeasurable source of all life. Only that alone can transform. All else along with their gurus and their stories is just hogwash. The limited can never grasp the unlimited.

Hamsa



Its interesting how 'watching the breath' has been made into a technique. A formula for concentration. A process of narrowing down and exclusion in the name of one pointed attention. However, it appears that breath performs the opposite function if we are open to watching. A marvelous reminder of the beautiful rhythm in our body. ceaseless and continuous. rising, falling, and resting. what a miracle! A reminder of the totality of interconnection of all of existence. The air and the oxygen in it are made possible by a vast network of interrelationships involving diverse elements from far corners of the earth and beyond. The phytoplankton, ocean currents, earth's gravitation, forests, temperature and pressure differentials, climates, sunlight, lil green leaves, soil chemistry, micro-organisms in them, our own lungs, the rate of combustion in the sun, distance of the earth from it, its spin, the big-bang, carbon sequestration by earlier life-forms, and many many processes that the mind hasn't yet grasped. And once the air enters our body, another set of intricate processes convert it into vitality.. Its profound how everything is interlinked to everything else and makes this intricate life possible. And breath is the carrier of this prana. life. A simple and gentle and immediate reminder of the vastness of life and how blessed we are to be immersed in it. maybe we need to watch our breath not to get anywhere, but simply be silenced by its love.

Enlightenment first. Sex later.

Enjoy the impulse only when you are perfectly capable of stepping back from it, and even smile at it. We are ready to handle power, pleasure or possession only when we are also ready to let go of them completely. One has to be a brahmachari first in its truest sense, to know what samsara is. Anything else is pure exploitation, however elegantly packaged.

And exploitation can never be love.

have you ever felt so joyous, that you had to get up in the middle of the night and dance? yeah dance! :D

Moving on... but NOT walking away.

wow.. was looking at some old pics just now.. and stunned to see how much seems to have changed over the years. so much you've never shared and i never perceived.. don't know what happened, but something has seriously gone wrong. maybe.. even long before we met.. am sorry it's been so hard.. please know that my thoughts are always with you constantly praying for healing and strength.. also know that i haven't walked away. just shocked and confused.. Please feel free to come back if you ever feel like. Thou art always welcome. With open arms.

Love you.

You are immortal, go out and play.

You are also mortal, still go out and play.

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don't take yourself too seriously, coz you are only half the story.
But don't take yourself too lightly either, coz the other half is God.

----------

Duality is not wrong. It's just one side of the coin.

The wild daughters of the earth.



When was the last time you saw a truly happy woman? They are even more rare than truly happy men. Full of pain, weariness and sadness, the women of today are a destructed lot. Chained, ground-down, coerced, intimidated, cautioned, instructed, ordered around, reprimanded, burnt, pierced, beaten, kicked, spat on, punched, ridiculed, talked down to, disrespected, raped, molested, letched at, disrobed by countless hands and many more eyes, repressed, used, abused, exploited, stifled, cornered, locked-up, killed, dirtied, unheeded, brutalised, numbed, dammed and damned, enslaved, sold-off, prostituted, tortured, silenced, abandoned, manipulated, denied, thwarted, shut-up, shut-down, taken for granted, unacknowledged, called names, insulted, owned, rented, traded, exchanged, trafficked, dumbed-down, decked-up, blinded, disempowered , domesticated, paraded around, glossed over, flaunted, invested in, packaged, branded, distributed, even franchised, cheated, betrayed, distrusted, mutilated, ignored.. phew!

These women are not just around us, but also within us. Every man has a woman inside him. If only he knew..

Margazhi is here again, and so are misty mornings, cold nights, warm snuggles, loudspeaker wake up calls, early morning hot water baths, aacharamana maami's, music and devotion in the air, deserted roads, carols and christmas bells, cake and glad tidings as well! ah!

One my favourite songs for my favourite month :)

When duality is lost, so is the drive?



D. How will the sexual impulse cease to be?

M. When differentiation ceases.

D. How can it be effected?

M. The “opposite” sex, and its relation are only mental concepts. The Upanishad says that all are dear because the Self is beloved of all. One’s happiness is within; the love is of the Self only. It is only within; do not think it to be without. Then differentiation ceases to operate.

From:
Talks with Ramana Maharshi
January 21, 1937

A Father's Son.

It had stopped raining for a few hours, and it seemed even the skies were exhausted and catching their breath. There wasn't much of a crowd yet. Just a few relatives. It was still early in the morning and the news was only now getting by. Soon people would trickle in as two's and three's, friends and relatives to pay their last respects, say their last good bye's and stand in support of family thats lost one of its pillars.

Death can be cruel, and unrelenting. As evident from his shriveled body, sucked dry of all flesh and succor. A once healthy frame now just skin over bones. That warm shy smile had given way to a vacant gape of death and those once purposeful eyes now staring at nothing. Every bone could be counted, and it was all that remained. It's a cruel way to go, and he was a brave man to have taken it on.

Every leaf from the tree of life would one day wither and fall, return to the rich humus of soil and be absorbed back into the cycle of change. There is no escaping this movement. All that is born must die. The manifest become unmanifest, and form merge into the formless. But the fertile compost this leaves behind full of memories, dreams, stories, songs, laughters, tears, aspirations cultures, passions, wars, sacrifices, joys and tragedies - what a dazzlingly beautiful ground it is. Rich and pregnant, and so full of promise. Out of the moist decay of one, arises the fresh possibility of many. The old endlessly giving rise to the new. Death and life, two aspects of the same.

He appeared calm and there was a quiet determination about his ways. Doing what needs to be done, and accepting the inevitable. Grieve he must, but also proceed before the skies open up again. The responsibility from now would be his, and he was well aware of it. But this strength would have to contend with an enormous exhaustion of body and spirit. The last many score nights had been long and weary. But tonight he will sleep. For tomorrow is a new dawn and a new challenge.

Be, for you are God.

An arrow that is released from the bow and knows that it will hit the target, has no self-doubt.It knows no dualities of happiness and sadness. It just simply knows. Be like the arrow my friend :)

One little seed's quest for light can create an entire forest. Thats how explosive the search for truth is. Total and unending. Be like the seed my friend :)

One lil droplet contains the ocean in it. One lil atom the entire universe, one tiny moment all of eternity, and one limited human boundless life. just be human my friend. just be :)

Do the waves seek?

do the waves seek? do the ever exuberant waves seek a future, a shore, an anchor? they are endlessly moving, but do they long for security? is tht why they move - the urge to become, to be safe. A flight of fear and an escape from emptiness. or is their movement a celebration? a dance for no reason, a shout and a song with no rhyme or rules.

Tonight the sea seems particularly rough. furious almost. she can be heard from a distance and even the air smells of salt. a storm has been predicted for the morning, and the rumbles have already begun. one hopes the poor in the city have moved to safer locations. the rich feel safe in their citadels. The storm is only a minor irritant to their seemingly secured lives. Illusion has many facades. The clock ticks silently amidst all this, unaware and methodically going about its job. So does the mind.

Spiritual Experience?

Experience is illusion. Experience is bondage. Experience is the past. Experience lies in separation, for it implies an experiencer. Life begins with the death of experience. One has to entirely move beyond it to find silence. A mind that seeks experience - spiritual, sensual or whatever else it maybe is dull and restless. Experience is content, and truth is empty. Utterly lonely. When experience is decimated, all that remains is the sacred.

Yin & Yang

Her memory of pleasure wants more.
His memory of pain wants No-more.
his rejection pains her.
her craving pleasures him.
Thus they were interlocked,
in a dangerous game of
woo & shoo.

Sustainability - what a trip!

We see the problem and immediately react into projecting a solution. Our present way of life is unsustainable, so the mind projects its opposite - Sustainability as a 'solution'. The what should be. But can Truth be caught in dualities? polarities? Instead of jumping into answers, why not understand the what is. And maybe the understanding itself will bring about a response that is not of opposites. An understanding that is not of the mind, but of all of being.

Ofcourse, it would be wonderful to evolve a peaceful form of
co-existence. But if the motivation for such efforts come as a reaction to the mess we see around us, it will only bring more frustration. The mind needs to go beyond itself for transformation to happen.

If the devotee and the devoted to are the same, then is devotion an illusion?

All world is a stage, and I am the Actor.

Running away is a compromise and an insult. Escapism seems to be the wrong label to put on an act that only brings further bondage.

Endaro Mahanubhavulu, Andariki Vandanamulu.

thank you very much.

The Third Body


(pic courtesy: Thumbelina)

A man and a woman sit near each other, and they do not long
at this moment to be older, or younger, nor born
in any other nation, or time, or place.
They are content to be where they are, talking or not talking.
Their breaths together feed someone whom we do not know.
The man sees the way his fingers move;
he sees her hands close around a book she hands to him.
They obey a third body they have in common.
They have made a promise to love that body.
Age may come, parting may come, death will come.
A man and woman sit near each other;
as they breathe they feed someone we do not know,
someone we know of, whom we have never seen.

-Robert Bly

இனி ஒரு விதி செய்வோம்.

one pulse. one life. one god. one love.

we are but a blip on the vast canvass of life.

i am tired of distracting myself. it never seems to end..

there is a part of me, that cannot be touched even by death. that is immortal. now, who is that me?

-------------

just as important as it is to open my eyes, its also important to close them sometimes.

-------------

as i was going to type these in, a close friend walked in and gave a fiery speech saying: "stop trying".

Nallathor Veenai



Nallathor veenai seidhe - adhai
nalangeda puzhudhiyil erivadhundo?
Nallathor veenai seidhe - adhai
nalangeda puzhudhiyil erivadhundo?

solladi sivashakthi - enaich
chudarmigum arivudan padaithuvittai
solladi sivashakthi - enaich
chudarmigum arivudan padaithuvittai

vallamai thaaraayo vallamai thaaraayo - indha
maanilam payanura vaazhvadharke
vallamai thaaraayo - indha
maanilam payanura vaazhvadharke

solladi sivashakthi - nilach
chumaiyena vaazhndhidap puriguvaiyo

Nallathor veenai seidhe - adhai
nalangeda puzhudhiyil erivadhundo?

thasaiyinaith theechudinum - siva
sakthiyaip paadum nall agam kaettaen
nasaiyaru manam kaettaen - niththam
navamenach chudar tharum uyir kaettaen,
asaivuru madhi kaettaen - ivai
arulvadhil unakkedhum thadaiyuladho?

ivai arulvadhil unakkedhum thadaiyuladho?

Nallathor veenai seidhe - adhai
nalangeda puzhudhiyil erivadhundo?
Nallathor veenai seidhe - adhai
nalangeda puzhudhiyil erivadhundo?

----------

What an honour to have walked the same earth as this man.

Odi polama!? :-)

This civilisation suffers from deep arrogance. It thinks it has all the answers. And its filled with so much noise. Any culture that does not value silence is bound to collapse. For only in silence do we hear God's voice. Sense its beauty, and feel touched by its grace. But we are so lost. Everybody from out parents, teachers and priests are so thoroughly lost. How can the rest be any different.

This is a culture under crisis. How are we going to ever learn some humility. to bow down. quieten down. Surrender. Profoundly surrender and wash the feet of god. Can there be any hope otherwise? Is there sense in any other form of action?

We are very much on the self-destructive mode, and need to learn some mindfulness soon. Awareness and Awakening is the only salvation. Unless we become very alert and alive, and open and light and yet agile and sharp and warm and kind and supple, and responsible and uncompromising, there is no way out. And all these cannot come without true devotion. without coming face to face with God, and be completely silenced by its presence. Silenced and yet brought alive, humbled and yet blessed. lost and also found.

Can humanity make it? Have we suffered enough to let go off our arrogance. or is there more misery and strife waiting? how many more do we have to kill before it hits us. How many more children? Fathers and brothers and sisters? How many more rivers do we have to pollute, fish destroyed, Forests cleared? how many more wars, recessions, lay-offs and bailouts. would this treadmill of madness ever stop? will there ever be sanity again? not to ask of peace and brotherhood.

What will we do with the blood dripping from our hands? deny it? Explain it off - Theorizing about the nature of man. Yet again for the billionth time. Shrug our shoulders with cynicism and continue to be the cowards we have been. look away and be selfish?

How are we ever going to answer our conscience? How do we even sleep in the night?

love,

The only way i feel i can truly engage with this rotten civilisation, is to completely disconnect from it psychologically.

The show has begun, and its Heavy Metal

This is it.

Like it or Not,

This is it.

Believe it or Not,

This is it.

No point Escaping,

Grow up and Face it.

The stage is waiting,

for the Actor to Arrive.

With an evil gleam

and a content heart

he wears his grease paint and mask,

to shatter himself against the rocks 

and split life wide open.

So the dove can finally soar, soar and soar

"God, please remind me again and again that I am nothing. Strip me of the consolations of my complacent spirituality. Plunge me into the darkness where I cannot rely on any of my old tricks for maintaining my separation. Let me give up on trying to convince myself that my own spiritual deeds are bound to be pleasing to you. Take all my juicy spiritual feelings, Master, and dry them up, and then please light them on fire. Take my lofty spiritual concepts and plunge them into darkness, and then burn them. Let me only love you, Lord. Let me quietly and with unutterable simplicity just love you. "

- Adapted from The Dark Night of the Soul

"Open doors as I walk inside
Swallow me so the pain subsides
And I shake as I take this in
Let the show begin



The higher you are
The farther you fall
The longer the walk
The farther you crawl
My body my temple
This temple it tells
Yes I am I am I am (.. the house that jack built).. "